Pastors’ kids (PKs) are humans, too. It’s a reality that PKs wished everyone else understood. We recognize that our parent is entrusted with an awesome responsibility as a pastor, chaplain, or church administrator. And we recognize that aside from their position or role, the pastoral family is, in many ways, just like other families. We have strengths and weaknesses, moments of victory, and moments of pain and failure. Unfortunately, we have dreams and aspirations that are sometimes trumped by the unrealistic expectations placed upon us by others. We must live under a spotlight while trying to find our own sense of calling and purpose.
My father served the church as a pastor, and then a conference, union, and division director and administrator. Living in the pastoral “fishbowl” is not an easy life and is never fully understood unless you’re in the bowl. When PKs eventually emerge from the bowl, many of us never want to be in that bowl again. It is often the positive, non-pastoral, non-judgmental prayers of our parents, and the grace of God, that keep us connected both to church and to God.
My dad (and mom) allowed my brother and I to live our lives as normal as possible, so we could develop into who we are today. We made mistakes and lived with the pressure of not wanting to disappoint them, but we also recognized their unconditional love for us. My father’s ministry was a great success, but it was his presence and influence as a father that inspired me the most.
A Spiritual Foundation
As a child, my family spent more time on the road than with a specific congregation. Often, we were at a different church every week! As such, our parents devised a plan to have us memorize and recite the Bible text from the Sabbath School lesson every week, cumulatively for the 13 weeks of lesson studies. I won’t incriminate my brother, so I can’t tell you what he thought of that! However, as I look back, this exercise provided a solid biblical foundation that I believe helped hold us true to the church and to God as we traveled.
Authentic Presence
My dad was authentic. What we experienced with him in private was what others saw of him in public. Yes, we appreciated having a pastor in our house, but these two overactive, adventure-loving boys needed our dad. And he was there!
Ministry Impact
I struggled with my call to ministry, thinking everyone would believe I am in ministry because my dad was a pastor. I wanted to be a father as my dad was to us, but I did not want to be a pastor because of my dad. I even hid my call from my parents. I started out in college pursuing a business degree and ventured into media and communication. When I finally shared my struggle with my mom, she said, “Make sure that this is of the Lord and that this is what you will do. It’s not a profession, it’s a calling.” I guess that was her way of checking that it was not me just wanting to follow in my dad’s footsteps.
Once I finally accepted and owned the call of God upon my life, I lived with the freedom of knowing it was truly from God. My dad’s heart of compassion and how he ministered to people made it easier for me to respond to the call.
A Legacy
The greatest legacy you can leave to PKs is not the number of churches you’ve built, how many positions you’ve held, or how many souls you’ve baptized. These are all great and God honors you for your dedicated, faithful, and excellent service. However, may I humbly suggest that the greatest legacy you can leave is being present when your children need you, and being authentic in your parenting. Heaven will be happy and your children will rejoice!
Rohann D. Wellington serves as Director for Professional Services in the North American Division of Seventh-day Adventists