It was a dark and dreary day (the opening words of many bad stories)! The phone rang and it was “the conference” with the dreaded call. We were asked to transition to a new district. This time, we were going to a prison town, in my perception, a dark hole, and I felt sick. I loved our tourist town, church relationships, being near family, and my niche. I had friends, ministry, and purpose. I had grown to be myself and not try to be what others expected me to be. In other words, I was comfortable, and for some reason, that is a danger zone for me. God was calling me to move and I was digging in tooth and nail and showing Him just how I felt about it.
Point of gloom
After several trips house hunting, we could find nothing to rent. The houses we could afford on one meager income were in bad areas or basically shacks. I finally just did not care, and when a new and strange church member called and said he found a house, we immediately called and rented it without ever seeing it. At this point of gloom, I just felt like whatever it was didn’t matter.
It was a cold day in winter with temps in the minus 20 range when we moved in. All our stuff was thrown into the garage by unprofessional volunteer movers. Most of the furniture was broken. It makes me laugh now just thinking how ridiculous the whole thing was. The house had been lived in by a chain smoking, childless couple for 70 years. The carpet was industrial green that some company conned the whole world into buying back in the day. It smelled musty and like stale cigarettes. The walls bled tar, which could be sopped up with a damp rag, and my heart bled numbness.
Category 5 level
I was standing and staring at the tar spots on the wall when I heard my husband, on the phone, invite all the new elders (and wives) over for dinner on Friday. Husbands would have been bad enough but wives! Wives created a whole new level of social pressure in my mind. Yes, I had told myself I had learned to be myself and not be governed by others’ opinions but at this moment I didn’t feel like myself. I was out of my comfort zone, way out. I was beyond exasperated. Maybe even beyond furious. My internal weather forecast was nearing hurricane category 5 level! Thankfully there was no gauge that could reveal my true condition, or was there? It was now Thursday afternoon and I could barely find my two small children amidst the boxes let alone anything at all to cook with. I trudged into the garage with my head hanging down and my hands on my hips. My situation seemed to mock my dreary heart.
I had a big canner that was on top of some boxes. An idea came to me for a menu. I would use the canner and make vegetable soup and serve it with rolls. Done! Don’t care! Hello bad attitude.
Mr. Pastor was sent to the store on Friday for spices, veggies, dinner rolls, plastic bowls, spoons, and butter (not sure if it was vegan, don’t judge). I made the soup and then noticed the rolls were brown and not ready to serve. Twenty people would be arriving in less than half an hour, so I turned on the oven in the old nasty unit in the tiny kitchen. Smoke filled the air. It was like the fat of a thousand broiled steaks had accumulated over the years and was now on fire. The house was full of the blue smoke of death and the doorbell rang. Ten couples marched in through the door and smoke and into my horrifying situation. We all sat on the floor with doors and windows open, winter coats on, eating hot soup and half-baked bread. It was glorious and horrible, humiliating, and exhilarating. We talked, choked, laughed, and prayed. More than that, we bonded.
Prison town
I had a revelation that night. If life here were a book it would be like I am stuck in chapter 666. Dark, cold dreary days happen. Unexpected difficulty happens. Challenges come. Fires are started. It is like this because this chapter in my life means I live in transition. I live in prison town (earth). I live in a fallen world and stuff happens, but I need happenings in my heart that are from God and not just from circumstances, conference calls, and poor life choices. In Psalms 2, God says that today is a new day and that today is my birthday. He tells me to ask for whatever I want as a present. The Message Bible makes the wording very clear. Every day I am offered rebirth and God recreates me to match what the day will bring. He equips me with the wisdom and grace to deal with this chapter 666 in my life. No matter how dreadful it may feel, nor how
“beastly” the circumstances, God will help me perceive what is important, laugh through the insignificant, and grow through what stretches my personal and social muscles. This goes on and on. It’s a much longer chapter than I expected it to be. When I wake up tomorrow in the same chapter again, God says the same thing and I can have another new birth: a new birthday to match my new day. It is guaranteed from God. As long as I live on this earth God is transitioning me on the inside to deal with the next page of change that will come on the outside. It was a cold, dark, smoky night and I learned, heartily laughed, made new friends, was warmed by hot soup, and soaked in the life lessons from God.
When the conference called again, years later, I did not want to leave my new comfort zone. That stinky, smoke infested house was one of my favorite places to live so far. I say, so far, because we are still in transition! Can’t wait until chapter 666 ends!
Reflection Questions
1. “My heart bled numbness” or “Hurricane category 5 level”. Have you been in either place? Can you write a bit about it and what led you out of that season?
2. That “prison” town ended up being Angie’s favorite place to live. Has God done this for you? How much does this have to do with your daily rebirth?
3. It can be easier to focus on the bad side of transitions and overlook the blessings they bring. Write down some of the blessings that you’ve received with a new beginning.
Angie Joseph is a pastor’s wife, mother of two awesome adults, and author. She works as a systems specialist for a medical research company. Angie has spent an adult lifetime of doing Bible work, evangelism, training and teaching. The unusual hobbies that she enjoys are survival training, emergency preparation training, painting, and forging scrap steel into knives.